Dungus Kong review

Donkey Kong Country Returns is out and is a lot of fun, yet Nintendo inexplicably left out some awesome things from the dkc continuity that would have made it the best game of the damn decade. And for that I want to say fuck you (and your cat). Here are some things they did not include in the game/completely fucked up on.

Tagging Diddy in/out.
REALLY?! This pisses me off more than anything else in this game. The geniuses at Nintendo decided to make Diddy only playable in coop mode. If you play 1 player, you can only play as DK, and that sucks butts.

Ridable animals.
The ONLY ridable animal in this game is Rambi. WTF. They had so many awesome characters to include: Enguarde the swordfish, Winky the frog, the snake, THE FUCKING SPIDER. Either the developers are lazy as shit or just have a personal vendetta against my childhood.

Finding secrets by throwing barrels into walls.
Yeah. Fuck you.

They didn’t include a single throwback boss in the game. Instead what we get are frogs with chromosomal disorders.

Dixie Kong.
I mean really. If they would have put Dixie in this game, they probably would have won a Nobel peace prize. Making a DKC game but not putting Dixie in it is like getting drunk and not taking your pants off. Sure you can do it, but it’s just not going to be as much fun.


About Pill Pritley

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