SEC Bramblin’: SEC South

Since, Bob’s been carrying the load on the bramblin’ n’ scramblin’, I thought I’d give him a break and cover the SEC South’s brambscramb.

Purpin’ Prep University: The biggest challenge facing the Purpin’ Fightin’ Purps is the loss of “bullback” Jank Scrim due to macademiac violations. However, overall the Purps have a solid defensive stable stocked with three 5 star dandies. Look for Purpin’ Prep to have a winning season, losing 3 or 4 games due offensive setbacks and intentional sabotage by offensive line coach and evil mastermind Schemin’ Snidely Sourpout.

Spraynard Strate: Poor Spraynard. The Hansy Mans really have their work cut out for them this year with their recently recruited quarterback Pill Burnston being diagnosed with MS and their starting line being composed entirely of domesticated goats. When asked about his questionable recruiting strategies, coach Merb Fremp stated, “Well, the sandwiches beehive spaceship cans-frog.” Look for Spray Strate to lose most of their conference games this year, but win all non-conference games by technicality as Coach Fremp has scheduled the Hansy Mans to play several nonexisting teams.

University o’ Toot: UoToot boasts a strong backfield this year led by team leader Plip Robbinship, a four star recruit from the Doaklahoma “Highschool” Rascals.  However, due to a string of NCAA investigations involving bribes, questionable staff policies, and an alleged ice cream narcotics scandal,  the Tootboats are likely to be ineligible for any BCS games for the next 10-20 years. In light of this however, look to TootieTown to be a team with something to prove this year, potentially upsetting several conference teams.

Dad’s Gamblin’ College: The Golden Hammies are another problematic team in this year’s struggling SEC South. The only coachless team in the NCAA, the Hammies only have 8 starters on defense this year, and their star quarterback is a constantly malfunctioning robot. Despite their setbacks, The Hamdads will win a couple games this year due to their winning smile and can-do attitude.

Miss Fan-Fan’s School for Pie-Makin’: The Raspberry Scoots technically aren’t an NCAA university, and don’t have an actual football team this year. But that being said, many are still considering them to be a potential candidate for the Good Sportin’ award and the Dippin’ Dan award.


About Pill Pritley

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