Full disclosure: I don’t know shit about the SEC East.
Florida – They lose Jesus Muhammed God Christ at QB and an asston on defense. I think this Brantley kid is going to be damn good and apparently they have another QB who will fill the Tebow (Dive! Dive! JUMP PASS! WOWWWWW) role so I think the offense will continue to be great. Defensively, I believe they’ll be worse than last year; I mean they don’t have Brandon Spikes anymore to fucking poke peoples eyes out. I see them winning the East by a couple of games. However, LSU whips their asses twice in 2010: first LSU strolls into the Swamp and farts in Urban Meyer’s face, winning by 2 TDs; and the second public beatdown comes in an epic rematch in the SEC Championship Game with the Tigers beating the Gators by 3+ scores, highlighted by Mike Ford, Dick Murphy, and Steve Ridley rushing for a couple hundo each.
Georgia – I’m sure the Les Miles of the SEC East, Mark Richt, will find a way to fuck this season up for the Bulldogs (Just kidding Richt’s not as bad as The Hat). AJ Green is a tall skinny animal of a wideout, and the Georgia QB situation should be improved. On the defensive side the Bulldogs are loaded with talent. I still see them losing three or four games. On the bright side for UGA, they don’t have to play the LSU Goddamn Tigers who would probably beat them so bad UGA would forfeit the rest of their games forever. I could see them sneaking into the SEC Championship Game.
South Carolina – According to some a dark horse contender in the SEC, the Cocks (lol) won’t live up to expectations. As per usual, their offense is going to fucking suck, and their D isn’t good enough to keep them in games. After they lose to Georgia, Florida, and every West team they play, these dicklicks who are spouting off these championship predictions will shut the hell up. See ya later Spurrier. Cocks (lol).
Tennessee – Lane “Stupy” Kiffin left this program in shambles. They’te going to be bad, but not as bad as you think. I expect new coach Derek Dooley to get these whipper snappers to .500. LSU won’t help them get there though, as the Tigers win by 140 points on touchdowns by every player on the two deep. Also, they have the ugliest uniforms and colors on earth. That orange looks like something used in futuristic tortures.
Kentucky – Who gives a fuck. They have a new coach, some joker named Joker. They will suck balls.
Vanderbilt – I’m glad they have good academics, because they are going to be fucking terrible. Hey, they have a new coach too. I don’t even know his name, and I don’t think I ever will. LSU rolls into Nashville and pisses all over the Commodores and their stadium, destroying them by 120 points. But, hey, I hear Nashville is pretty nice.