Arkansas – What is the fucking deal with Arkansas? Every goddamn article I read has them being one of the toughest games of the year for every team in the SEC. Sure their offense will be good, but what exactly do they have on defense? Plus, this Mallett clown fucking sucked against good teams last year, and every team in the West will be decent to great in 2010. These jokers will be in a bunch of shootouts and I expect them to lose approximately four games; they’ll fold like Ole Miss did in 09 and Auburn in 03. “OH WE HAVE FOUR NFL READY RECEIVERS AND A BADASS TIGHTEND AND MALLETT IS SOOOOO GREAT!!!!” well you’ll be wishing you could trade out some of that wasted receiver talent for some fucking linebackers and secondary help later this year. GTFO Arkansas. LSU destroys these clowns and methheads by 6+ touchdowns.
Alabama – Well these guys lose eight starters on defense, but they’re still the favorites for the national championship somehow. Everyone will be gunning for Nick Saban and his team that cheats and pays refs BUT WHO REALLY FUCKING CARES I MEAN WHATEVER A GOOD ALABAMA TEAM IS GOOD FOR THE SPORT. Mark Ingram takes a step back, Trent Richardson takes a step forward – a wash; this team will lose a couple of games and will not win the West because of the talent loss and the big ass target on their backs. If the Tide come into Tiger Stadium and beat the LSU Goddamn Tigers I will eat Les Miles hat, and then him. In a close game LSU gets their revenge by 4 TDs; Patrick Peterson intercepts every pass Greg McElroy attempts, also knocks up any women in Greg’s life.
Auburn – They have thief at QB (One of two transfer QBs in the SEC with criminal records. SEC! SEC! SEC!), a coach who went like 2 – 19 at Iowa Friggin State, and a defense younger than LSUs. And yet some stupid assholes are saying they are a dark horse contender for winning a bunch of games or some such shit. Another pretender. Maybe next year but I seriously fucking doubt it. LSU slaughters them by an estimated 50 points with Jarrett Lee actually getting to play.
Mississippi State – I don’t know much about MSU this year, or any year, because they are always fucking horrible. I think they have a good defensive line, but thats like having really good flood insurance in the middle of a volcano earthquake. They’re probably gonna be shitty record-wise, but most of their games will be close. Actually probably not, I could see them getting a few shit kickings. Except for the LSU game where the Tigers skullfuck them by over 200 points with Kelvin Sheppard actually devouring MSU’s first-team offense.
Ole Miss – My intense hatred for Ole Miss really hampers my ability to be objective about their 2010 season. I think their new quarterback, Jeremiah Masoli, will shit the bed and the lack of other playmakers will result in an offense that will cause even Vanderbilt to have a hearty chuckle at the Rebels expense. I think their defense will be a fucking joke and will resemble something you would see at peewee football game. I think their fans are a bunch of uneducated asshats. I think Houston Nutt is somehow a bigger douche now than he was at Arkansas, oh wait I know how because he is now coaching Ole Fucking Miss. I think the Grove sucks. Their uniforms are for homos. Their stadium is a piece of shit. I think its hilarious that instead of winning the 2003 LSU-Ole Miss game, Eli Manning decided to fucking trip. I hate Les Miles for making LSU look like a bunch of retards last year against Ole Miss. LSU annihilates Ole Piss by 80 points, LSU defense gets to play offense. Geaux to Hell Ole Piss, Geaux to Hell!